Shattered Dreams
	Dreams are one aspect of human behavior which distinguishes humans from other living beings. Dreams are very pleasant and the best thing about them is that they cost you nothing. We have the liberty to dream about anything and if necessary can put them in a confidential folder and lock it up in our system and not reveal it to anyone. Time to time, as and when required we can unlock the folder, enjoy the dream and store it back. Some say the difference between a successful human being and not so successful counterpart of his/her depends on the realization of their dreams. So behind every successful men or women there are dreams. Of course, dreams are not static. It can change with time. My early childhood dream was to be a champion “Gudu” player among my peers (Gudu was a popular game among boys in the 50’s). Gudu can be played between 2 individuals or 2 teams. It is played with two sticks – one about 2 feet long which was called “thai” and the other about 6 inches long which was called “kutty”. The fielder serves the kutty and the hitter hits it with the thai. Scores are counted by the distance the kutty travels. With each day my gudu skills were improving and during the process some cracks started appearing in my neighbors’ glass windows. This led to a neighborhood protest which put a premature end to my gudu career. For these neighbors their glass windows were more precious than the realization of a child’s dreams!! When I was in Primary classes the question most often asked was “what do you want to be when you grow up?” Most of my friends said “doctor”. I have gone to a few doctors and when you go to them, he asks you to open your mouth and look inside with a torch. And then he will ask you, how your bowel movements are. I was not interested in looking into other people’s mouth or knowing about their bowel movements! Some of my friends also said “teacher”. I thought teachers were tyrants, who spoil the weekends of children by giving them unwanted home work. And also when they come into the class we had to stand up and say “good morning, sir” and sit only when they tell us to. I was not in favor of these antics – always trying to sit further away from them. I wanted a job which had a lot of power and brought a lot of money – and I figured out that the job that fulfilled these criteria was the “bus conductor”. When he said “bahinda” people got down from the bus; when he said “passata yanna” people went back without any argument; when he said “salli dhenna” people gave him all the money he wanted. What more do you want in a job? With the money he was getting he can buy any amount of “gal siyambala”, “isso wadey” “helape” and what not? I was surprised why any others didn’t pick that job and was also happy that I was not going to have much competition when I go for the job. When I progressed into post primary classes, while my colleagues were pursuing with their same dreams and some of the undecided ones at primary level had new dreams of becoming “pilot”, “lawyer”, “police” etc. my dreams have undergone a dramatic change due to maturity. The concept of working life did not appeal to me. I had seen people getting up early in the morning, rush through their morning rituals, cling on to the foot board of a bus and go to work; toil at their workplaces doing what they really don’t want to do; wait for hours at bus stops and railway stations to get back home. By the time they are home they are so worn out that the only thing that attracts them is the bed. Is this what you want to do for the next 40 years or so? Certainly, that was not for me. My concept of life was a simple one: get up at any time you want; get breakfast served in bed; roll around in bed reading the newspapers and listening to “Radio Ceylon”; have a hearty lunch; a sound nap; go to a few vintage sites in the evening (there were quite a few of those sites in Colombo in the 50’s & 60’s); go to Majestic/ Savoy cinema for a movie; and finish off the day with a “hopper clout” at Majestic hotel or Lion house. I also had a bright idea as to how I could achieve this simple lifestyle. I had to get married to a very wealthy, very old lady who is without any encumbrances; Religion, caste, creed, color or appearance were immaterial. When I revealed my dream and the “grand plan” to my colleagues they were very enthusiastic and took the task upon themselves to look for a prospective bride with the necessary qualifications, for an ambitious young man. With this dream intact I entered Peradeniya campus and on the very first day, as a “raw fresher” walking towards the Senate building saw another young “raw fresher” who had worn a sari for the very first time in her life. She shattered all my dreams. I stopped dreaming and started “dhakshan”. Forty years on I am still “dhakkanawa”. Nufail 5th September 2008